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Suffering from a Breakup?

Learn to lift your spirits as you embrace life’s challenges.

Key points

  • Breakups are tough for all involved.
  • Let your friends and loved ones help you as you cope.
  • Trust your gut and remember that everyone copes differently.
Rodnae Productions/Pexels
Source: Rodnae Productions/Pexels

Breakups can be tough on one’s emotions. It’s important to step back and assess the relationship—what went right, along with specific areas of opportunity—so that you may take those lessons learned to your next relationship.

Explore a Hobby

When we have a significant other, our time is split, justly so, as we try to spend as much free time as possible with our partner. After a breakup, it’s a great opportunity to do something just for yourself. Is there a hobby that you’ve been meaning to explore? Now’s a perfect time to do so. It will give you a chance to try something new and even meet some new people in the process.

Lean on your Support System

It is vital to rely on a support system during this difficult period. Remember that you may need to provide specific guidance to your BFF or family member so that you receive the kind of support that you need. For instance, you might tell your friend that you’d like her company, but that you are really more interested in binge-watching movies with her than you are in rehashing the specific details of the breakup.

Embrace Failure

Failure is a part of life. Regardless of your specific role in the breakup, you are coming out of a failed relationship. It is important to learn from the relationship so that you may move forward with future ones in a healthy manner. Pick one confidant to share the major details. Or, if you have a larger group of close friends, find a time to share the story with them all at once. Let them comfort you, and even commiserate, but then, agree to move on. Take time for yourself. Sleep in, grab drinks with a friend, even read a good book. But, do your best not to dwell. Even well-meaning friends can bring you down by constantly talking about the breakup instead of providing necessary comfort.

Listen to Yourself

Everyone is different. Some people feel better when they are in a group of people. Others need some private time first before venturing out again. Listen to yourself and do what is best for you. Even if you fall into the “stay home and mope” category, give yourself a time limit. A few nights of being by yourself might do you wonders, but a few weeks without other social interaction will likely make you feel worse than you do already. Remember to spend time with people who truly care for you. Say “yes” to coffee dates or drinks with true friends who celebrate your successes and support you when you are down. It’s okay to say that you don’t want to talk about the breakup, too. Sometimes, just spending time with friends can help you to remember that you are important to others and that you can have fun—even without your ex.

Crying into a pint of ice cream and binge-watching sad romantic movies is often just what we need after a breakup. If possible, don’t do these things alone. Rather, enlist a friend or loved one to spend this time with you. At the same time, ask them to force you (if needed) to get out of the house by Day 4 of the breakup. Your outing could be to grab a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop. The key is to get out of your sweats, brush your teeth, and put on some lip gloss. You’ll feel better once you do, even if you doubt that you will at the time.

More from Amy Cooper Hakim Ph.D.
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