For nine days, I am exploring the 9 Stages of Grieving a Breakup. Earlier in the week, I wrote about the first five stages, Shock, Denial, Desperate for Answers, External Bargaining and Internal Bargaining. Today we are exploring the sixth stage of grieving a breakup: Relapse.
Because the pain is unbearable, you are relentless in your pursuit of reconciliation, and are actually able to convince your ex to try again. (This may not be your first or even second time around with this person.) By reconciling, you relieve the agony of withdrawal, at least temporarily—although not without some discomfort and insecurity, due to the tenuous nature of the relationship now.
Relapsing, that is, giving in to withdrawal, is another way to avoid the fear of the unknown, namely life without your ex. It’s your way of staving off the pain of acknowledging that the relationship is no longer viable. You are doing everything in your power to buy time now so you don’t have to face the pain.
Warning: You may need to go through the process of reconciling and breaking up many times before the breakup sticks.