Evolution of the Self

Passive-Aggression

Smiles and Laughter: Take Care How You Interpret Them

Leon F Seltzer PhD on June 7, 2023

Getting the last laugh is justified when others have hurt you, but it can be just as competitive, antagonistic, and cutthroat as those who made fun of you earlier.

Getting the last laugh is justified when others have hurt you, but it can be just as competitive, antagonistic, and cutthroat as those who made fun of you earlier.

Relationships

Might Your Partner Be in Your Blind Spot? 10 Possibilities

Leon F Seltzer PhD on May 31, 2023

You can “miss” your partner, even though, technically, they’re right next to you—for mere proximity hardly implies an intimate romantic connection.

You can “miss” your partner, even though, technically, they’re right next to you—for mere proximity hardly implies an intimate romantic connection.

Altruism

Strategic Kindness: Linking Altruism to Self-Interest

Leon F Seltzer PhD on May 17, 2023

Researchers routinely link the benefits of kindness not only to traits of altruism, generosity, and happiness, but also to personal and professional success and advancement.

Researchers routinely link the benefits of kindness not only to traits of altruism, generosity, and happiness, but also to personal and professional success and advancement.

Anxiety

How Anxiety Takes on a Life of Its Own

Leon F Seltzer PhD on May 3, 2023

Overblown anxiety—by constituting a disproportionate, distorted, and super-vigilant perspective toward that which merely *feels* threatening—is grossly maladaptive.

Overblown anxiety—by constituting a disproportionate, distorted, and super-vigilant perspective toward that which merely *feels* threatening—is grossly maladaptive.

Relationships

The Pivotal Question for Couples: “Is There Anything Else?”

Leon F Seltzer PhD on April 19, 2023

Even if couples are on the right problem-solving path, they typically don’t take it far enough to link a current issue to past unresolved conflicts.

Even if couples are on the right problem-solving path, they typically don’t take it far enough to link a current issue to past unresolved conflicts.

Trauma

The Trauma-Related Risks of Overgeneralizing

Leon F Seltzer PhD on April 5, 2023

If major emotional disturbances from your past were never fully resolved, your inner child might have inflicted you with various pessimistic assumptions and beliefs.

If major emotional disturbances from your past were never fully resolved, your inner child might have inflicted you with various pessimistic assumptions and beliefs.

Career

Would You Rather Be a Playaholic?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on March 22, 2023

A Personal Perspective: Playing—as a consciously planned respite from or intermittent alternative to working—is just as crucial to a person’s happiness and contentment as work.

A Personal Perspective: Playing—as a consciously planned respite from or intermittent alternative to working—is just as crucial to a person’s happiness and contentment as work.

Self-Help

Can There Be Good Consequences for Bad Adult Behavior?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on March 15, 2023

Giving someone good, constructive feedback about their performance inadequacies leads to far less reactivity.

Giving someone good, constructive feedback about their performance inadequacies leads to far less reactivity.

Self-Help

7 Ways to Go From Doing Too Much to Doing Enough

Leon F Seltzer PhD on February 15, 2023

Unless we become aware that we routinely strain ourselves to get things done, it’s easy to succumb to the hazards of perpetually overdoing it.

Unless we become aware that we routinely strain ourselves to get things done, it’s easy to succumb to the hazards of perpetually overdoing it.

Self-Help

Can You Resolve Betrayals Just by Accepting Them?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on February 2, 2023

You can replace troubling feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety, and regret with an expanded awareness that will benefit you in learning more about the cryptic world you live in.

You can replace troubling feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety, and regret with an expanded awareness that will benefit you in learning more about the cryptic world you live in.

Child Development

Does Self-Shaming Help You Avoid Being Shamed by Others?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on January 18, 2023

We may secretly harbor a self-belittling, shame-based identity because our parents, however inadvertently, communicated to us that we weren’t good enough.

We may secretly harbor a self-belittling, shame-based identity because our parents, however inadvertently, communicated to us that we weren’t good enough.

Free Will

Determinism or Free Will: A Contemporary Update

Leon F Seltzer PhD on January 4, 2023

Have you ever wondered if deliberating over something indicated you were exercising free will, or if your decision-making was predetermined?

Have you ever wondered if deliberating over something indicated you were exercising free will, or if your decision-making was predetermined?

Anger

Getting Away With Anger: The “Art” of Passive Aggression

Leon F Seltzer PhD on December 14, 2022

When you were very young and dependent on your caretakers, you may unconsciously have recognized that the safest way to get out your anger was by camouflaging it.

When you were very young and dependent on your caretakers, you may unconsciously have recognized that the safest way to get out your anger was by camouflaging it.

Relationships

How to Have It Both Ways in a Relationship

Leon F Seltzer PhD on November 30, 2022

In sharing pent-up frustrations, you’ll get much more than you imagined if you can learn to approach your partner candidly, tactfully, and politely.

In sharing pent-up frustrations, you’ll get much more than you imagined if you can learn to approach your partner candidly, tactfully, and politely.

Anger

Why Anger Is Nothing More Than Repressed Anxiety

Leon F Seltzer PhD on November 16, 2022

However unconsciously, many people “mutate” their out-of-control anxiety into anger, as anger creates the illusion of regaining control of the situation.

However unconsciously, many people “mutate” their out-of-control anxiety into anger, as anger creates the illusion of regaining control of the situation.

Relationships

7 Safe Ways for Couples to Become Emotionally Vulnerable

Leon F Seltzer PhD on November 9, 2022

All couples experience disharmony in their relationship. Their ability to courageously address this frustrating disconnection will determine the overall quality of their union.

All couples experience disharmony in their relationship. Their ability to courageously address this frustrating disconnection will determine the overall quality of their union.

Relationships

Why Discord, Paradoxically, Is Vital in Close Relationships

Leon F Seltzer PhD on November 2, 2022

Hoping for a long-lasting, harmonious relationship? A “you and me” consciousness won’t get you there; you’ll need to develop a healthier “we” mindset.

Hoping for a long-lasting, harmonious relationship? A “you and me” consciousness won’t get you there; you’ll need to develop a healthier “we” mindset.

Narcissism

Why Narcissists Demand Loyalty

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 19, 2022

The narcissist’s outward show of strength belies their being so vulnerable beneath their facade of bravado, which is vastly different from bravery.

The narcissist’s outward show of strength belies their being so vulnerable beneath their facade of bravado, which is vastly different from bravery.

Unconscious

What Do All Therapies Have in Common?

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 12, 2022

Only after recognizing how subconscious, distorted ways of thinking hold you back can you begin to reevaluate and alter them.

Only after recognizing how subconscious, distorted ways of thinking hold you back can you begin to reevaluate and alter them.

Relationships

To Heal Your Inner Child, First Disempower Your Adaptive One

Leon F Seltzer PhD on October 5, 2022

It takes courage, resilience, and the ability to maintain adult calm when the no-longer-adaptive child part of you gets triggered and threatens to overwhelm your better judgment.

It takes courage, resilience, and the ability to maintain adult calm when the no-longer-adaptive child part of you gets triggered and threatens to overwhelm your better judgment.