- You're wearing rizz-colored glasses when you can't see the real person behind all the charm and charisma.
- Thera-posing is misusing clinical terms that are typically used by a therapist.
- PMI, as in premature intimacy, involves sharing way too much, way too soon with your dates.
- Vision Board Dating is choosing a geolocation for your dating app that represents where you'd like to move.
The dating app Plenty of Fish has revealed its list of six dating trends for 2024. And while four of the trends can be considered positive, the other two are, well, a bit fishy.
I spoke to Eva Gallagher, the Resident Dating Expert for the dating app, about how they identified the trends: "We administered a survey to roughly 6,000 U.S.-based members that asked them a variety of questions about their personal dating lives," Gallagher recounted. "From their responses, we came up with fun and relevant terms that define their experiences."
1. Rizz-Colored Glasses (rizz-kuh-lrd gla-suhz)
This is a play on the traditional term "rose-colored glasses," which means that you look at a given situation with an overly optimistic view not fully accounting for reality. But the word "rizz" replaces the term "rose" to describe a rather thorny dating situation. "Rizz" is charisma and smoothness that may be enough to charm your pants off, both figuratively and literally. And when you are wearing rizz-colored glasses, you aren't really seeing the real, not-so-charming person behind that charm. In the Plenty of Fish survey, 52% of respondents found rizz to be attractive and 43% had actually fallen for someone's rizz, only to eventually find that things were only rizz-deep. How do you avoid people who are only putting on the rizz and can't go much deeper? Gallagher advised, "If you are looking for a deeper connection, it's really important to have important conversations up front."
2. Canon-Bailing (kan-uhn bayl-ing)
This is a play on the word "cannonballing," which is what someone may try to do in a swimming pool next to you while you are holding a martini in your hand. But instead of having a ball, this term has a bail and pulls from the term "canon events" that has been making the rounds on TikTok. Gallagher explained, "A canon event is an aha or pivotal moment that shapes your future." It is essentially a life-changing event that sets you on a better path. When you canon-bail from a relationship, you focus on developing your own identity instead of simply relying on the relationship to define you. The survey showed that 32% of respondents knew someone who had done so.
3. VBD (Vision Board Dating) (vi-zhn bord day-ting)
Vision Board Dating (VBD) is choosing a geographic location for your dating app that represents where you'd like to move rather than where you currently are. So, for example, if you are currently in Ding Dong, Texas, and would really like to live in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania, why not list yourself as being in Blue Bell so that you can go on dates there? Of course, if your date offers you a ride home and you have to ask, "Do you happen to have an airplane," it may make dating a bit inconvenient until you actually move to your location of interest. Nevertheless, 23% of survey respondents have encountered people editing their app locations so that they could potentially manifest the eventual move to those locations.
4. Thera-Posing (ther-uh-poh-zing)
Getting therapy can be a healthy thing to do. Misusing terms that therapists may use? Not so much. That can be considered "thera-posing." Gallagher offered an example: "Calling someone a narcissist without really understanding what that actually means. People may misuse a word that they heard in therapy." Yeah, just because someone says, "Pay attention to me! I've fallen into the water fountain," doesn't mean that the person is a narcissist. Thera-posing is reasonably common (or perhaps unreasonably common), with 33% of survey respondents knowing someone who did it, with an even higher percentage (42%) among Gen Z respondents.
5. Premature Intimacy (PMI) (pree-muh-choor in-tuh-muh-see)
There's TMI, as in too much information." And now there's PMI, as in premature intimacy. This is when you share way too much, way too soon with your dates. The survey revealed that 65% of respondents had experienced such oversharing. It may be premature physical touch. It may mean the other person starts telling you all about her desire to have three kids to resolve the long-standing conflict with her sister, when you then have to say, "No, when I asked, 'What do you want' I meant what do you want to order on the menu," at the very start of your first date with each other. Gallagher recommended, "Maybe you are feeling super excited and end up unloading on the first or second date. Instead, learn that balance of what you share up front and what you keep to yourself until you get to know someone better."
6. Crypt-ick (kript-ik)
The emphasis should be on the "ick" in a term that's been trending on TikTok. When someone says or does something ick, it makes you queasy. It's kind of gross. The "crypt-ick” is when you realize that the life of the person whom you are dating really revolves around just one kind of ick topic, which in turn makes you reconsider the relationship. So for example, if that person is all about crypto and nothing else, then that may be a "crypt-ick" situation. The topic doesn't have to be crypto for things to be crypt-ick. It can be any singular focus, whether it's snowboarding, Taylor Swift songs, or Jason Kelce songs that make you want to be single again. The survey revealed that nearly a third of respondents had experienced the crypt-ick at some point.
So as you enter 2024, take off those rizz-colored glasses, consider canon-bailing, and please, please don't thera-pose or demonstrate PMI. Who knows, you may even end up in your location of choice if you VBD.