- Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off contact with you without warning or explanation.
- Zombieing is when that ghoster tries to reconnect with you in some way, again without warning or explanation.
- Regardless of the reason, ghosting and zombieing don't bode very well for a long-term relationship.
- You may want to steer as clear away from anyone who zombies you as you would from a real undead zombie.
The "zombie" dating trend is not about dating actual zombies, you know, the kind of folks that try to eat your brain. Dating prospects haven't gotten so bad that people are now opting to date the undead. No, "zombieing" is a term that's being used increasingly on social media to describe those who have suddenly returned after first ghosting you. Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off contact with you without warning or explanation. And then, here's the zombie part, weeks, months, or even years later, that ghoster tries to reconnect with you in some way, again without warning or explanation.
So, after a lengthy period of not responding to any of your texts, calls, or other inquiries, the ghoster one day suddenly starts "liking" your social media posts. Or perhaps the ghoster finally returns your call two years later, which is not quite the same as the wait two-day rule for returning calls that some daters use. Or maybe that person simply texts you a "What's up?" on WhatsApp as if nothing had happened.
While no actual brain-eating zombies are involved, this zombieing practice can eat at your brain and heart. It can be doubly disconcerting to first have to deal with and potentially recover from the ghosting only to have the ghoster reappear like mold after you've scrubbed a tub down. This can re-open wounds and force you to deal with similar thoughts and emotions once more.
Again what makes zombieing be zombieing is that the person at no point gives any real explanation for anything that has happened. Like a real zombie, the person shows no real remorse. In fact, the person may even behave as if nothing had happened or no time had passed. That can leave you wondering, in the words of that 4 Non Blondes song, what's up?
Well, one explanation is that you were always that person's second, third, fourth, or perhaps 36th choice. No one says, "Oh, that person is my top choice, so I am going to ghost the heck out of him or her." Ghosting is not simply playing hard to get. It is playing impossible to get. The ghoster may have ghosted you in the first place because he or she found an opportunity with a higher choice and didn't have the guts or decency to tell you that. And when that higher choice didn't work out completely, the ghost then became a zombie and returned to contact you. This is not a good situation. Of course, no one should go through life looking for love and thinking, "Some day I hope to be someone's backup plan." Who knows when the ghoster might find someone "better" again?
Another possibility is that the ghoster was going through a situation that he or she didn't want to reveal to you. Maybe the ghoster had to go on vacation with his or her, gasp, spouse, whom the ghoster never mentioned. Or perhaps that ghoster was dealing with a case of super gonorrhea or was kidnapped or both.
Sure, there could be legitimate reasons why the ghoster disappeared but there are few situations where the ghoster couldn't have given you some form of warning or explanation and some type of timeline, such as, "I have to deal with some urgent family or health matter for the next four weeks and therefore will not be responsive." At the very least, the ghoster could have been very apologetic when returning rather than being a darn zombie.
Regardless of the reason, ghosting and zombieing don't bode very well for a long-term relationship. After all, good communication, openness, and trust are hallmarks of a good relationship, and ghosting and zombieing are kind of the opposite of those hallmarks. If someone zombies you, then you may want to steer as clear away from that person as you would from a real undead zombie. If you have a need for answers, then you could insist that the zombie offer a satisfactory explanation for what happened all the way from the ghosting part. The zombie providing an honest full answer should be a non-negotiable minimal prerequisite for any type of further contact.
No matter how dire you think your dating situation may be, it is better to be by yourself than with someone who will take drastic actions such as disappearing and reappearing without really taking into account how you may feel. It is better to be alone than with someone who won't openly communicate with you.
Zombies may make great extras in a movie but they don't make great friends or significant others. Any relationship with someone who has already zombied you once could leave you in a situation where you might have to bring the relationship back from the dead more than once in the future.